Gianna’s earliest memory is of her great-grandmother’s funeral. She remembers the day clearly- the mass, the cemetery, the time with family. I have been surprised at what an impression this memory has made on her. Grandma P passed away in March of 2017, and G still speaks of it regularly. She asks a lot of questions about what it means to die, what happens when someone dies, both practical questions about the logistics of a burial and spiritual questions about what happens to the soul when someone dies. We have had deep conversations about Heaven, Hell, and Purgatory that I was not expecting to have with my three year old. And after each, she goes off and ponders what I have said, turning it over in her mind, and then returns back at intervals to ask follow up questions and ensure that she has understood correctly.
I am the daughter and granddaughter of funeral directors, so death has always been a part of regular, everyday life for me. My grandparents lived at the funeral home; when we were too sick to go to school we went to work with my dad, and if there was a funeral that day, we went with him and sat in the car; we helped my Nana tidy up before and after calling hours; we watched the people at wakes from the balcony above. In some ways, because of all that, it is easier for me to discuss death with G, but in other ways it’s harder, simply because I don’t remember a time when I learned about death and what it was- it was always just there. My family is Catholic, but I was raised only nominally so, which means I also don’t have a memory of how the concepts of Heaven, Hell, and Purgatory were explained to me as a child. Sometimes I feel like I’m working without a net because G asks such grown up and insightful questions for one so young.
We’ve tried to use these discussions with Gianna as ways to educate her in the Catholic faith and also to build our family prayer life. Praying for the souls of the dead is one of my favorite Catholic traditions. I love that the Church is a communion of saints, both here on earth and in heaven. I love that we can pray and offer sacrifice for our brothers and sisters in purgatory, and then they can pray for us when they reach the glory of Heaven. It’s a beautiful tradition that we can pass down.
A habit that I learned long ago is to pray whenever I pass a cemetery for the souls buried there, and it’s one easy way we infuse prayer into day to day life with the children. Whenever we pass a cemetery, they get to choose a prayer to say. Now that William is also old enough to know some of his prayers, they trade off turns choosing, or we say two prayers if they can’t agree.
For months now, Gianna has been begging to go walk in the cemetery and pray. Today being the solemnity of All Souls, it seemed like the perfect day to go. We are very blessed to live close to the Solanus Casey Center in Detroit, so we loaded up the car and headed over there so Mark and I could go to confession (which is held hourly each day) before we went to the cemetery across the street.
After a trip to the confessional, and a quick stop at the tomb of Bl. Solanus Casey (and blessing by a joy-filled Capuchin friar who made my kids laugh while spritzing them with holy water), we headed to the cemetery. We were blessed to have my SIL’s au pair join us along with my nephew and niece.
The kids thoroughly enjoyed themselves, relishing the opportunity to explore the grave sites and choose who to pray for. Mark and I would read the names off the tombs for them, then they would choose a prayer to say, most often the Our Father or the Hail Mary.
The care and concentration that Gianna puts into each vocalized prayer is a beautiful witness to me. Each syllable is clear and precise, she is slow and thoughtful with each word and phrase, clearly turning it over in her heart and mind as she says it with her voice. Praying with G is always a reminder to me that I need to pay more attention to the rote prayers, to not let them become words said without thinking.
William too, is becoming thoughtful and careful in his prayers, especially for those who have died. A day hardly goes by that he does not ask to pray for our recently deceased neighbor, Mr. Jim. And goodness knows that boy is going to have a good friend in President Taft when he gets to heaven, because William prays for him on the regular (in case you are thinking my child is some kind of a history savant, he’s not, we just have a fabulous book called President Taft Got Stuck in the Bath, check it out if you need a good belly laugh, the illustrations are particularly wonderful).
I am constantly amazed by my children’s faith. In them, I am coming to understand more deeply what Christ asks of us when He says we need to have the faith of a child. I always thought that it meant trust without questioning, but now I see it differently- children question everything, but they do it from a place of curiosity and desire to learn and grow, they aren’t jaded or angry when they come up against something they don’t understand. And here’s the other thing about children and their questions- they ask their parents, the people they trust the most, for the answers and fully expect a response.
Today, explaining the concept of All Souls Day to Gianna and William, and seeing the light of knowledge kindled in their eyes as they took in this new information with the wonder and joy they always have when it comes to learning about the faith, I was renewed in my own faith, and grateful yet again, for the richness of the Catholic Church and the great gift of the Communion of Saints.
