We are in the midst of the second round of medical school exams. Mark took Histology and Embryology today and aced it. Tomorrow are the anatomy exams. It’s hard to believe that he’s already finished two whole months of medical school.
It’s been a very busy month. While we are physically settled here in Grosse Pointe, it’s still a time of transition for me. First let me say, I am beyond thrilled to be at home with Gianna. I had been looking forward to the chance to be home with my baby girl, and I have to say, it has not gotten old. I love every day of it. Seeing her smiling face after every nap (which let’s be real here, only happens every couple of days, but still), watching her discover new aspects of her environment (she found a bookcase this week she hadn’t investigated before), taking long walks in the stroller or ergo- all of these are joys that I’d missed out on while being at work. I was ready to embrace all of these.
What I wasn’t ready for, was the change it would bring to me as a person. I didn’t expect to get a little lost. I started reading this new book, For The Love, by Jen Hatmaker, and I really love it so far. When I told Mark that the first chapter is all about saying no to things and not feeling guilty about where you’re at in life, what you can and cannot do, he chuckled and said, “that’s a great book for you to read.” I take it he’s noticed that I’ve been struggling to adjust to this whole being a stay-at-home mom thing. I didn’t think I would, but I am. When I was working, if something didn’t get done or I didn’t feel up for something (chronic illness is hard y’all!), I could tell myself it was because I working a full time job. But now, I’m home. And there are days like today where the house is a mess and Gianna is exhausted and I’m exhausted, and it would be easy to feel like a failure. It would be so easy to look at social media and what all of these amazing women around me are accomplishing and think, “wow I should be doing more.”
And then I realize that I feel that way because I’ve been forgetting to ask God what’s He’s asking me to do. It’s the crux of the problem. Spiritually I’ve been dry lately, and I think its getting to me. And instead of just resting in the Lord (which I was reminded to do at Laura’s vow mass and last Sunday’s mass), I’ve been struggling and striving to do and do and do and hope that I can make my own worth. I’ve been trying to make sure that the house is in great shape, that Gram has all she needs in a day, that Gianna is sleeping, that Mark is able to rest and relax after a long day, that he has lunch and dinner and breakfast, etc, etc, etc. It’s ridiculous. And silly. And sad. And I know better, but all the changes in our life in the past months have thrown me more off kilter than I realized until this past week.
And so now I’m working to go back to the heart, to return to the peace of my Lord’s presence. Pray for me please. My mother has graciously agreed to babysit Gianna for on Tuesday afternoons so that I can go to adoration for an hour. It’s only been one week, but its made such a difference already. I am working on remembering that I am just where the Lord wants me, and am working on living in His grace. Mark is being (as always) an amazing husband and reminding me to take a step back when I start to doubt myself and look at the whole picture of our life- which is wonderful.
On to happier thoughts-
We live in the most wonderful house in the most wonderful neighborhood. GP has wowed me in all the ways. One of the many ways we’ve been blessed has been through our neighbors. Last weekend, our next door neighbors were celebrating their daughter’s birthday and graciously invited us to come on by. Gianna loved all of the animals, and wowed the trainers by being completely comfortable on the pony.
