The last few years have been full, to say the least. Writing hasn’t been a part of my schedule for so long, but I’m glad to find that somehow, someway, we have some margins in our life again. Most days, I feel like I can really breathe, feel like myself, the woman I was made to be. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still a madhouse here, but we seem to have reached a tipping point in the chaos, so miraculously, even though there’s more to do and be, there’s less stress about it all.
Let’s get down to some major family updates. Mark is currently in year four of medical school and hot on the interview trail for residencies. He continues to astound me with his brilliance and his ability to love us all so well, despite being tired and overworked.
Gram is also doing well, and will be a robust 96 next month. Her dementia has increased over the past years, and she’s starting to lose some long term as well as short term memories. We’ve had some struggles as she’s reached this new stage of life where she requires more care, but overall we continue to be blessed by having an inter-generational household. Loving her in her confusion and her anger at being confused stretches me and continually reminds me that love is a choice and that I cannot love well left to myself. There is so much grace to be had when I am vulnerable enough to ask for it.
G remains our spicy, energetic first born. She amazes me constantly- she is intelligent, spunky, brave, and has a huge heart. She challenges me to explain the world in ways I was not prepared for approaching 4. We have regular, deep conversations about faith, which she is always, always curious about. Her most recent preoccupation is with the souls in purgatory and what happens when someone dies, and her dearest wish is that we can go pray at the cemetery.
William is sweet and loves snuggles as much as ever, though at 2 ½ he has developed his own will and states it with certainty. He is (mostly) happy to go along with whatever plans his sister has, but is at his happiest while quietly playing with his trucks.
And then there’s our newest member of the family. We were blessed with Charlotte Therese this past year, and at 8 months old she is positively delightful. Easily our easiest baby, she smiles and chatters happily. Only in the last week has she started scooting around the floor, which has been a blessing after William who crawled at 4 months. (Though even as i type this i am watching her pull herself up on the coffee table next to me, sooo . . . ). She is deeply loved by both siblings, especially William, who can hardly bear to be apart from her.
I remain me, home with the kids and Gram and beyond happy to be so. The past years stretched me and grew me in ways I was not expecting, and were incredibly hard. Pregnancy is a really rough time for me, it strips me down and shreds me, and is very much a way of the cross for me- physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. My pregnancy with Charlotte, was the roughest yet. The last six weeks especially because I was awake every night til 2 or 3am throwing up and was having regular braxton hicks contractions that were driving my sleep-deprived self crazy. Mark was a saint throughout, and supported me in every way possible.
When Mark was beginning year 3, I read a book called Heaven Starts Now by Fr. John Riccardo. In it there is a chapter where Fr. Riccardo talks about the calming of the storm, and says that while sometimes Jesus will calm the storms in our lives, sometimes, what he really wants is to teach us to be calm in the middle of the storm. In short, that was what God was teaching me this past year. There were a lot of storms, but He was there, in our boat, and He wasn’t anxious about them. And somehow, thanks to tremendous amounts of grace, neither was I.
