I forgot to give G her meds this morning.
The thought hit me like a ton of bricks, but not until we were already out the door for the day and at the kids’ cousins’ house for a play date. I steeled myself for what was to come.
G has been on medication for her ADHD for a little over a year now. At the time, I was certain that it was the right thing to do, but also a little bit scared to announce to the world that we had put our not-quite-four year old on meds. That’s the kind of thing that gets you stares and disapproving looks, even from the people who know you well enough to know that you don’t take such a decision lightly.
We started medication when it became clear that her impulse control was getting worse, not better, as she got older. Her body was getting bigger and stronger and she was not able to control it. It worried me and it upset her. It’s heartbreaking to have your child tell you that they don’t like how they feel inside. She was eaten up by guilt, smart enough to realize that something wasn’t right.
When we started her on medication and found a therapist to help her it changed all of our lives for the better. G blossomed. She was able to concentrate and focus. Her relationships flourished. She was happy.
Now, a year later it’s easy to forget how hard it was, how hard it would be for us now. Until we have a day like today, where I forget to give her her meds.
She held it together until after we returned home. This is a testament to how much therapy has helped. Even without her medication she was able to summon all the resources she’s learned about controlling her body, listening to others, responding to their facial and verbal cues, and compromising. My girl has a will of steel, and she was using it to her advantage. This was amazing to watch, but I could see the toll it was taking on her.
By the time we sat down to lunch she was bouncing around the kitchen. A constant whirl of motion, her mouth moving a mile a minute. Even though I got the medication on board, it was too late.
Without a morning dose, G struggles. She is unable to be in control of herself. So she is loud, and in your face and constantly talking and bouncing, so much bouncing. One. Thing. After. Another.
Naturally affectionate, she loses the ability to regulate that affection and hugs her siblings too hard, loves them too forcefully, and is in their face with a million ideas at once. It’s overwhelming for the younger two, who are quieter by nature. G’s heart hasn’t changed, but her ability to express it has. And that puts everyone on edge.
My stress levels rise as the day goes on. G gets louder. Her decision making goes down. She can’t concentrate or focus on anything. It’s a constant battle between her impulses and what she knows is okay. She’s unhappy and unsettled.
When the other two go down for their naps, G and I curl up for some quiet time. Every day we get into the big bed and listen to a book. Right now we are in the middle of The Fellowship of the Ring, and she LOVES it. Audiobooks are one of G’s favorite things. She’ll normally listen for hours, absorbing the story and the vocabulary. But today, she couldn’t sit still and listen. It bothered her.
It’s the end of the day. And it has been a long one. The kids are ready for bed, and I am ready to collapse. We made it through the day without any major incidents. She didn’t accidentally hurt one of her siblings. We didn’t have any clashes of the will, her and I. I lowered expectations and was able to keep us on safe ground. Thankfully the weather is still nice enough to be outside, where her body can be wild and she can run.
Tonight I am grateful for modern medicine, for both therapy and medication. Without either of them my daughter would not be blossoming.
I know that some families are opposed to meds, and I know that others look askance at therapy. I’m no longer hesitant to share with anyone that we proudly use both.
There is no resource I wouldn’t dig into to help my child. We didn’t make the decisions lightly, and we researched them thoroughly. The combination of both therapy and medication has changed our family for the better.
G needs the medication to balance out her brain chemistry. And she needs the monthly therapy sessions to help her verbalize what she’s experiencing and learn healthy coping mechanisms.
If you are considering either for your child and need some encouragement or want more information, here are a couple of sites that I’ve found helpful along our journey:
CHADD is a wonderful resource for ADD and ADHD families.
Not So Formulaic is one of my favorite blogs. You’ll find tons of resources for raising exceptional kids.
And I’m also happy to field any questions or share more about what we’ve found helpful, so write me a message or leave a comment!