Our Coronavirus Experience (So far)

I came down with symptoms of COVID-19 about 2 weeks. For the first few days, we assumed it must just be the flu, but then it didn’t feel like the flu (spoiler alert: not the flu), so I started to get nervous.

We spent a few days trying to get answers about what to do, talking with our doctors and the health department. The general consensus was that there were no tests so it wasn’t worth trying for one. That changed when I started to experience chest pain and shortness of breath. At that point Mark checked in with his program director about what he should be doing- go to work? don’t go to work?

His program director responded with directions for where to go for a test and that Mark should stay home until test results came in. And with compassion- which really struck me, because most of my experiences with the medical field are that they like to bleed people, especially those lower than them, dry.

So we went, and I got tested. The hospital ran tests for influenza a and b and RSV first, and then told me that if those were negative they’d send the COVID test off, and we’d have results in 2-4 days.

I thought I’d feel better knowing that answers were coming, but I didn’t realize the toll it would take to wait. Sure enough, the flu and RSV tests came back negative, but we didn’t hear back. And we didn’t hear back.

Days went by. By the third day Mark had missed work, he was starting to get hassled by the program director for the general surgery department (he’s on a gen surgery rotation this month). Then he was told to come to work anyways, test results be damned. My anxiety levels went through the roof.

We kept trying to get answers. We called the hotline, who told us to call the lab. We called the lab, who told us to call the hotline. I checked the patient portal for results constantly. There were no answers.

Today after an hour on the phone and being transferred all over the place, I finally hit upon a nurse who very kindly was willing to track down some answers. . . . And found out that testing is backed up and it’s taking 7-10 days to get results instead of 2-4.

So here we sit. Still waiting. Just like countless people all over the country. But I’m less anxious. And I think the reason why is this: despite it all, despite my anxieties, and the fact that I haven’t been able to focus, I’ve been praying. Every morning, every evening, and whenever I think of it in between. Is it enough? Probably not objectively, but its been what I’ve been capable of. And that is enough for God.

I’ve been reading Thirsting for Prayer by Fr. Jacques Phillipe and he says this about prayer, “even if we do not feel anything special, even if our imaginations and intelligences are empty or a little distracted, as long as we are holding ourselves in God’s presence with those dispositions of the heart, sometimes reduced to a single, simple attitude of loving trust, our prayer will be fruitful.” His point is this: that remaining faithful to prayer is enough. It is enough. I am enough.

Slowly, through these times of prayer, which I haven’t always felt were fruitful in the moment, God has been working. He is so faithful! He has been slowly working through my anxieties, slowly been filling me with His peace. It’s a work in progress, but isn’t it always? I’m sure I’ll still be anxious, will still be nervous about all of this as the days go forward, but I’m more rooted than ever, and for that I am grateful.

Please keep us in your prayers, especially Mark who is navigating a tricky situation at work, and Gram, who is struggling with being totally isolated from her great-grandkids.