This past week I began reading the writings of St. Bernadette. She’s a saint that is not entirely new to me, but one that I admit that I’ve glossed over until now. Bernadette always struck me as quite holy, but slightly uninteresting, which is only a result of my own ignorance and failure to look more closely at her life and her heart. As I work on polishing an upcoming project (more to share later), I’m grateful that it’s given me the opportunity to change that.
I had the blessing to travel to Lourdes in college, with my dear friend and college room mate. Reading Bernadette’s accounts of the apparitions at Lourdes brings the place back to my mind- the sunshine and breeze, the flowers, the pilgrims, the holiness that pervades all parts of that place. Lourdes cannot fail to awe the spirit, even when you have traveling for over a month and are exhausted. It was a gift beyond measure to be there, and to be there with Caitlin, who had entered the Church the past spring.
Someday I would love to go back, and spend more time there, especially now that I’ve gotten to know St. Bernadette better. I’m finding her to be a kindred spirit. She kept a prayer journal, a combination of quotes that struck her heart, notes from lectures and retreats, reflections on failures and resolutions for change, and spontaneous prayers from her heart. Her journal is a window into her soul, the quotes that stuck out to her tell clearly what she was meditating on and the areas she wanted to improve.
The fact that Bernadette’s prayer journal was kept in the same format as my own has made her feel somewhat less intimidating, though the love and faith I read in it is so far above my own. I love hearing her voice in the pages, and can imagine her writing, with her soul crying out to the Lord in words so familiar, so intimate, so telling of the close bond she felt with her Savior. And it calls me deeper, reminds me that His heart is seeking mine too, reminds me that Jesus is Lover, Lord, Physician, Friend. As I read her words, my own heart soars higher, longing to reach the heights she did, longing for the intimacy she felt.
I find myself writing her words in my own journal, just as she wrote the words of those who came before her. And that’s the great gift of the communion of saints- that we are all part of the body of Christ, that we have the faith and experiences of the men and women who walked this road before us to help light our own path.
I’ll leave you with this quote from Bernadette’s journal that struck my heart deeply. As I read it, my heart burned within me. I know it’s a prayer I will be praying for a long time.
Grow, Jesus, grow in me, in my heart, in my spirit, my imagination, my senses, by your modesty, your purity, your humility, your seal, your love. Grow with your graces, your light, your peace. Grow despite my resistance, my pride. Grow until you reach the fullness of human perfection. Grow as you did at Nazareth before God and before men, for the glory of your Father.